Half of Canadian marriages end in divorce, so second marriages and blended families have become common place; common but not always easy.

I know of two blended families that ended in divorce. In both cases, it was the children who were determined to see the marriage fail and, after a few years of persistent negative pressure, they won. Both marriages came to an end.

Janice Furevick-Dunn brought two children into her marriage with James and since then they have had one child together.She wants other blended families to know that, although challenging, blended families can work and work well.

I ran into Janice a week or so ago. As she greeted me, she said she had been meaning to call to nominate her husband, James, as a Hidden Hero because of all the challenges he faced before their blended family finally came together.

James always liked kids so he thought he had it made when he met Janice and her two children. All he had to do, he thought, was be a “nice guy” and everything would work out just fine. But no matter what he did, the kids seemed determined to make life difficult for him.

They would never greet him when he arrived home from work and they seemed to do everything they could to isolate him. For instance they would be excited about an opportunity to go swimming with Janice but if they heard that James was coming too, they would suddenly lose interest and refuse to go. Discipline was also a problem. What was right and fair when Janice did it was mean and cruel if James applied the same discipline and consequences.

But no matter what, James persisted and at least once a month he would take each child, one-on-one, to a bonding activity of their choice and bond they have. As this column is being printed he is on his third cruise to Alaska with one of them.

Janice says it helped when she began to realize that she, not her kids, had fallen in love with James so it would take time for the kids to adjust and she began to give them that time.

So what is it about James that gave him the strength to persist and eventually succeed?

Janice had a number of answers to that question. First she says, he is a kind man with a big heart and he’s an exceptional listener. He listens to both her and the children and he uses his skills as a lawyer/mediator well and wisely.

But the two character traits that stand out for Janice are James’ loyalty and determination. He has a wolf carved on his wedding ring, a native symbol for loyalty, and his determination is best shown, she says, by his commitment to run in the Boston Marathon. It took six years of training and effort before he qualified but he finally made it.

James applied that same determination and commitment to making their family work and it’s working amazingly well now.

“I want him to know how much I appreciate him hanging in there,” she told me with tears in her eyes, “because it was really tough for a long time. I think a lot of people would have left but he didn’t.

Janice also wants other blended families to know that if they hang in and work through the process, it can be great in the end. Her best advice is to read books, surf the web and don’t be afraid to get counselling to get through the rough spots.

Is there anyone who has always been there for you when you needed their support? Have you thanked them recently?