James Dunn

Recently Janice Furevick-Dunn asked me to act as MC at a surprise "Toast or Roast" fifty fifth birthday party for her husband, James; a party that featured caricatures of him from one end of their long driveway to the other and a full sized, really funny caricature inside the front door. This event took days to organize.

You may remember Janice nominated James as her Hidden Hero a year or so ago. She felt he deserved the title because of the way he stuck with his commitment to their marriage and blended family through the first few really challenging years; years when a high percentage of these marriages fail.

You see Janice's two kids didn't want to accept James, and initially they did what they could to drive him away, but things have definitely changed.

James was toasted and roasted about equally at the party, and both of his step sons took their turn at the mike. Although their stories were pretty funny and tended to focus on his idiosyncrasies, they were told with love and respect. Obviously his persistence has paid off.

I hadn't planned on writing about this event but as I woke up this morning I found myself thinking about the tide of love that washed back and forth across those who had gathered to honour this man. Several of us commented on that "tide" as we chatted.

As I lay in bed stretching and reliving the party, I realized that I had learned a few things too or at least relearned some lessons I had already learned but don't always practice.

Perhaps my most important relearned lesson was you can't trust first impressions.

I didn't know James very well before the party. In fact I don't think we had ever talked one-on-one, and the truth is I found him a little distant, somewhat aloof. But the James I saw at the party turned out to be a guy I really liked; a guy for whom I quickly gained a lot of respect. We also seemed to have a lot in common. Imagine that.

I'm glad I got that reminder; perhaps you can learn something from it too.

At one point James' 98 year old mother took the microphone to say a few words about her little "Afterthought". She talked about what a "gift" he had been.

Later I learned that when she was 90, James took her on a cross-country trip. He got another gold star when I heard that story.

James' step sons' step mom who is no longer married to his step sons' father was at the party too - Aren't blended families fun! My ex wife and I have always prided ourselves on being "one family under two roofs". These guys have thrown an even wider blanket over the term, "family". It's a "blanket" filled with an abundance of respect and love.

By the way, my nomination for the Hidden Hero in this story is Janice. She's the one that took the time and effort required to initiate that "tide of love", and now I know why she married James.

If you'd like to nominate someone as a Neighbourhood Hero, go to www.nhero.org or call 250-741-7499.